Do Managers Lie to You? Here’s the Truth Behind Workplace Feedback
Having been both managed and a manager, I've come to realize a hard truth: managers rarely tell us what they truly think about us. At first, this may seem dishonest or even manipulative, but with time, I’ve understood the reasoning behind it. The core issue? Most people don’t take negative feedback well.
Interestingly, the higher you climb the corporate ladder, the less this is true. Senior leaders and executives tend to be more aware of the "game," more resilient, and better equipped to see feedback as a positive tool for growth rather than a personal attack. At higher levels, there's an understanding that candid feedback is essential for performance and improvement. However, for junior and mid-level employees, feedback is often filtered, softened, or withheld entirely to avoid friction.
But does this mean managers are lying? Not necessarily. Instead, they are often strategic about what they say and how they say it.
Being a true helper, I've always struggled with this issue: I believe candid feedback is incredibly valuable and a critical skill to develop. Coming from a Lean Six Sigma background, I understand that identifying problems constitutes 80% of solving them. I don’t perceive negative feedback as inherently negative; rather, I see it as an opportunity for improvement, viewing problems as temporary states. However, individuals who struggle to accept feedback tend to grow more slowly and can inadvertently harm team dynamics. This is why it’s crucial for managers to handle such situations effectively.
Why Junior Employees Struggle with Feedback
One of the key reasons why managers might withhold or soften feedback for junior employees is the way most of us have been conditioned by the school system and grading culture. The transition from academic life to the workplace presents several challenges in how feedback is received and processed.
1. School System Conditioning: Performance = Grades
From a young age, we’re taught that success is measured by grades and rankings. Feedback in school is often binary—right or wrong, pass or fail—leaving little room for constructive dialogue. This conditioning makes many junior employees equate feedback with judgment rather than growth.
Impact: They may take criticism personally, feeling it threatens their self-worth rather than seeing it as an opportunity for improvement.
Solution: Organizations should promote a learning environment where feedback is positioned as a continuous development tool.
2. The European Perspective on Higher Education
In Europe, the value placed on academic achievement is particularly high. Advanced degrees, such as a Master’s or PhD, are often seen as the ultimate validation of expertise. The belief that obtaining an advanced degree signifies mastery in a subject can create resistance to feedback in the workplace. Many individuals who have spent years in academia may assume that their formal education has fully prepared them for professional challenges, making it difficult to accept that they still have much to learn.
Why Academia is Valued So Highly in Europe:
Education systems are often deeply rooted in tradition, with prestigious universities and rigorous programs seen as indicators of excellence.
In many European countries, access to higher education is highly competitive, and earning an advanced degree is seen as a significant personal and professional achievement.
Societal and cultural norms emphasize credentials and formal qualifications over hands-on experience.
While academic knowledge is invaluable, it doesn't always translate directly to the realities of the workplace, where adaptability, teamwork, and practical problem-solving are just as critical. This disconnect can make it harder for individuals to receive constructive feedback, as they may feel their qualifications should speak for themselves.
Impact: Employees with advanced degrees might view feedback as questioning their expertise, leading to defensiveness or resistance to change.
Solution: Encouraging a mindset of continuous learning and highlighting the differences between academic and professional skills can help individuals adapt to workplace feedback more effectively.
3. Fear of Failure and Perfectionism
Many education systems emphasize getting things "right" rather than learning through mistakes. As a result, junior employees may enter the workforce with a deep fear of failure and a tendency toward perfectionism. Constructive criticism can feel overwhelming or discouraging.
Impact: A reluctance to take risks and avoidance of areas needing improvement.
Solution: Companies should normalize mistakes as part of growth and foster resilience in learning from feedback.
4. Over-Reliance on External Validation
In school, praise from teachers, parents, and peers often drives motivation. This external validation can lead to dependence on positive reinforcement and difficulty processing constructive feedback that challenges one's perceived strengths.
Impact: Employees may become demotivated or defensive when faced with areas for improvement.
Solution: Encourage self-assessment and intrinsic motivation to build independence in evaluating performance.
5. Lack of Feedback Training
School rarely teaches students how to receive feedback constructively. The traditional education system is often one-way, where students passively receive grades instead of engaging in a dialogue to improve.
Impact: Many juniors may not know how to react productively to feedback, leading to either defensiveness or disengagement.
Solution: Companies can provide training on how to ask for, interpret, and act upon feedback.
Why Managers Aren’t Always Honest
While it’s easy to think that managers should always be straightforward, the reality is more complicated. Many managers face several challenges when it comes to giving honest feedback:
Employee Sensitivity: Many employees react defensively or emotionally to criticism, making it difficult for managers to be completely honest without damaging morale.
Retention Concerns: It’s easier to keep an employee engaged with positive reinforcement rather than risk them quitting or disengaging due to harsh truths.
Corporate Culture: Some organizations emphasize positivity and avoid difficult conversations to maintain a "harmonious" work environment.
Conflict Avoidance: Some managers, particularly those lacking leadership training, simply don’t want to deal with potential confrontations.
Legal and HR Risks: In some cases, blunt honesty can lead to disputes or even legal challenges, leading managers to tread carefully.
In reality, if a manager truly thinks you're not a good fit, they might not bother with feedback at all. Instead, they may rely on indirect approaches—such as reassigning tasks, limiting growth opportunities, or eventually letting you go with generic reasons like “budget cuts” or “restructuring.”
The Cost of Avoiding the Truth
While avoiding difficult conversations might seem like an easier option, it can be damaging in the long run for both employees and businesses. Employees who never receive honest feedback:
Miss out on opportunities for improvement and professional growth.
Continue operating under false assumptions about their performance.
May stagnate in roles that aren't the right fit for them.
On the business side, avoiding tough conversations leads to lower productivity, increased turnover, and frustrated teams who have to compensate for underperforming colleagues.
What Do You Really Want—The Truth or Comfort?
Here’s the critical question you need to ask yourself: Do you really want honest feedback, or would you prefer the comfort of reassurance? Most people would say they want honesty, but the reality is that handling tough feedback requires emotional maturity and a willingness to change.
If you truly want the truth, here’s what you can do:
Develop Emotional Resilience: Accept that feedback is not personal but a tool for growth.
Ask for Specific Feedback: Instead of general questions, ask your manager directly what you can improve on.
Show Openness: Demonstrate that you can handle constructive criticism without becoming defensive.
Take Action: Act on feedback to show that you value it.
Build Trust: Foster a professional relationship where honesty is encouraged and appreciated.
Final Thoughts
Managers don't necessarily lie—they often choose their words carefully based on the environment, the employee’s personality, and the company's culture. If you want to break through the surface-level feedback and gain real insights into your performance, the key is to create an atmosphere where honesty is valued and expected.
So, the next time you receive feedback, ask yourself: Am I ready to hear the truth and act on it? Because growth only happens when you’re willing to face the uncomfortable realities head-on.
