The Supreme Insult
Making Someone Feel Stupid
In life, we all encounter people who think differently than we do—people who don’t grasp what seems obvious to us, people whose logic we don’t follow, people who say things that make us wonder, How can they not see this?
And in those moments, whether out of frustration, impatience, or even arrogance, we might feel tempted to tell them how dumb we think they are—or worse, act in ways that make them feel stupid.
Here’s the deal: This is the absolute worst insult you can ever give another human being.
Not only is it deeply disrespectful, but it’s also dangerous for you—as a leader, as a professional, and as someone who wants to build strong relationships.
Why Making Someone Feel Stupid is the Ultimate Mistake
Life is hard. Intelligence—our ability to think, learn, and adapt—is key to survival. Many people already struggle with insecurities about their own intelligence. When you make someone feel stupid, you can shatter their confidence, their motivation, and even their sense of self-worth.
Maya Angelou famously said:
"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
When you make someone feel small, dumb, or incapable, they won’t remember your argument, your logic, or even whether you were right. They’ll remember the humiliation.
And that damage is almost always irreversible.
As a Leader, You Must Never Cross This Line
If you’re a founder, a manager, or someone who leads people, respecting this rule is mission-critical.
Why?
It Destroys Trust – Once someone feels belittled, they will shut down. They won’t open up to you, share ideas, or take risks in front of you.
It Creates a Toxic Environment – A culture where people fear looking stupid is a culture where creativity and innovation die.
It’s Rarely About Intelligence—It’s About Perspective – We label others as “stupid” when they don’t see what we see. But do they have the same experience, background, education, or information? If not, how can we expect them to arrive at the same conclusions?
Most of the time, what looks like a lack of intelligence is actually a lack of context.
The Better Approach: Elevate Instead of Crush
Even if you genuinely think someone is being foolish, never call them stupid. Instead, do this:
1. Help Them Arrive at the Conclusion Themselves
Don’t lecture or dictate the answer. That rarely works.
Ask guiding questions. Let them think through the situation and connect the dots.
Encourage critical thinking. Challenge them to analyze the problem from different angles.
When people reach a solution on their own, they feel smart, valued, and respected.
2. Assume They Know Something You Don’t
Instead of immediately assuming someone is ignorant, ask:
What information do they have that I don’t?
What life experience shaped their perspective?
Is there a gap in communication rather than intelligence?
This shift in mindset prevents arrogance and encourages true collaboration.
3. Make It About the Idea, Not the Person
Instead of saying:
❌ “That’s a dumb idea.”
Try:
✅ “I see where you’re coming from, but have you considered this?”
Instead of saying:
❌ “You don’t understand.”
Try:
✅ “Let me explain this in a different way.”
When you separate the person from the idea, you allow room for growth instead of shame.
The Payoff: Stronger Relationships, More Influence
If you get this right, something powerful happens:
The person will feel smart and respected, rather than humiliated.
They will listen to you, trust you, and value your insight.
They will want to work with you, not against you.
Great leaders don’t make people feel small. They make people feel capable.
That’s how you inspire loyalty, build strong teams, and create an environment where people grow—rather than shrink—under your leadership.
Be the leader who elevates people, not one who crushes them.
